Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence

Did She Ignore The Signs?
Email subscriptons
SITE MAP - Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence. Org
DV Personal Stories
The Things We Don't Want To Talk About
You Are Not Alone!
Judges Chapter 19
Harpo and Sophia -- (The Color Purple)
The Signs of Abuse
Resources For Those Who Abuse
Domestic Violence/Abuse Courses
An Open Letter to Pastors
There Is Nothing New Under The Sun
Preach the Word!
The Wrong Advice
Thus Saith the Lord
She Was Married To Christ First
Biblical Submission
Domestic Violence And Alcohol
Happily Ever After
Teen Dating and Violence
My Favorite Hymns and Prayers
Links - When It Is Time To Leave
Resources For Church Leaders
Visit My Store
Man Is Defiled From Within
Profile of the Sociopath
Can Abusers Change?
Should I Forgive My Abuser?
You Are So Sensitive
Myths That Can Destroy A Marriage
Domestic Violence/The Workplace
Male Victims of Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence and Abusive Women
Domestic Violence and Advertising

As the saying goes, “No one is perfect,” and I could not agree more. As long as we are living in our fleshly bodies, we will do and say things that will shock, surprise, annoy, hurt, offend, and have some affect upon others - good, bad, or indifferent. No human being is above making mistakes, and hopefully not too far-gone to correct their errors. Everyone has flaws whether they are physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional. If we have a heart of compassion, we all will say, “I am sorry” countless times before we expire.




Our Creator knows that we are but clay, and impure when it comes to living holy. We may strive to live a life above reproach, but at some point, whether in word, thought, or deed, we are going to slip up and make mistakes. However, there is a major difference between making honest mistakes, and deliberately making the lives of others miserable. God’s amazing Grace covers both, extending the call to sincere repentance and a change of heart – from the heart.




But how can you tell if someone you are dating will be just like the rest of us – human, and subject to making mistakes? Is there a notable difference between the average person struggling through life, and the tyrant that hates life and everyone close to him, or her? Most times, you cannot predict the negative characteristics that will surface later in a relationship or marriage. On the other hand, there are some very sure signs known as “red flags” that are too often ignored. And what do “red flags” signify – stop, run, caution, slow down, dig deeper? Most importantly, why are they ignored time and time again?





Negative behaviors that are harmful to others usually fall under the “Red Flag” category. You met a guy that has become your world. He is every thing that you want in a man, or at least everything that you have convinced yourself to accept in a man, but there is one thing that really bothers you – he slapped you in your face. Everything was going well, hanging out at the club, and having a good time. On the way to your boyfriend’s car, he slapped you silly. Why? Because he caught you looking at another man – at least that is his side of the story. You assured him that he “made a mistake,” and he slapped you again for calling him a “liar.” You married him anyway.



And why did you marry him? He apologized, and said that he “Will never hit you again.” Your man is the one with the wandering eyes, and flirtatious comments towards other women. Usually the one who accuses you of being unfaithful is the one doing the creeping. There are several “red flags” in this scenario – jealousy, violence, control, dishonesty, lack of trust, disrespect and you could probably insert a few more. You married him because you were “in love,” and you believed that marriage was the bond that was needed to prove your love for him. Most of all, you thought you possessed god-like qualities – the ability to change another human being. The slapping has escalated to severe beatings, and verbal abuse, and you blame yourself for the mistreatment. The signs of future misery were there – the “red flags.” But they were ignored, and in most cases, they always are. Denial is a trap.



There are many signs-(red flags) in dating relationships, so I will list them by links.

Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence Knows No Limits

What is Relationship Abuse?

NOTE: You may notice some of the same signs on each of the above links, but there will also be different red flags to consider.




Even though I have provided several links to recognizing “red flags” in relationships, God’s Word will always have the final authority – at least it should for Christians. The bible gives many warnings of the kind of people that we should avoid. Our Creator made us, so He above all should know what is best for us, and what will cause us great sorrow. Many people view the bible as restricting, and unfair rules that take all of the joy and fun out of living. The opposite is true, for I am a witness. The peace that Christ gives cannot be found in this world, and never within another human being.


Before I list the “red flags” found in scripture, let me first say this. We are living in a dying world, a world that will pass away someday. No one knows when God will send Jesus back for His church, and end life, as we currently know it. If you have been studying prophecy, all you have to do is look around you and you will see the end times being fulfilled. There are wars, rumors of war, famine, earthquakes, poverty, suffering, hatred, and many other signs that point to the second coming of Christ. In knowing all of this, what could be more important than saving your soul, and saving the souls of others who are in spiritual darkness?




Yes, being loved, and giving love is vital to the human soul. The greatest relationship on earth is marriage between man and woman. This institution is spiritually equated with Christ and His church, His bride – of which we are. God gave us intimacy to be enjoyed within His commands, not for restricting pleasure, but for purity, holiness, and spiritual reasons. Being held and comforted when sad, lonely, or just because is wonderful. We were divinely designed to give and receive love, for God Himself is love.


When we are without mates, we can and often feel that everyone in the world has someone but us. More so, we take it personal and assume that God doesn’t love us, for He hasn’t sent us a mate, a life partner, a help-meet, an intimate marital friend to love, and cherish until death ends the bond. Too often we make the mistake of comparing ourselves to worldly images of the kind of women men are seeking – the skinny ones. And we are down on ourselves because we may not fit the profile of being a “hot babe,” or a woman that turn heads. The media will promote the flashy “hot” airbrushed models that many try to imitate, instead of just being the beautiful person that God made you to be.




So what happens when we feel like the “clock is ticking,” and time is running out? When you look at your friends who presumably have good relationships, do you envy them and feel like God has forgotten about you? Do you ever stop to think that marriage is very hard work, and what you see on the surface may not be what is really happening behind closed doors?  Many people put on a front for the outside world, while living in misery and hell everyday. They may not have what you desire by observation, and it could be that they are very good at pretending. You have no idea what compromises have been made, or the sacrifices endured just to have someone to come home to.


Know this for a fact, when Christ returns to end our present system, not everyone will have a mate, or be married; have children; finish college; have a dream job; be rich; or worst yet, not everyone will have accepted Christ in order to save their eternal souls. When we view life as the world dictates it should be, we would most assuredly experience disappointment. Jesus never promised us a rosy life without pain, but much of the pain that we endure we bring upon ourselves. When we run ahead of God and act presumptuously, we are bound to make a mess of our lives and find not joy, but misery. We have a choice to heed God’s Word when it comes to our interactions with others, or keep doing what we are doing – being right in our own eyes.




It was never meant for women to “find” a mate. Proverbs 18:22 says,

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing. And obtains favor from the LORD.” What we should do in the meantime is wait on the Lord. And while waiting, praying that God will send us a mate who “obtains favor from the LORD.” A man like King David, not perfect, but a “man after God’s own heart.” And our part is to establish an everlasting relationship with the Lord first, and become the spiritually adorned women that we were meant to be. Proverbs 31 is a great place to start in preparing ourselves to be the kind of wives that the true man of God will find us to be when the Lord sends him.


Now does this mean that every woman will have a mate in this life? Not necessarily so. This may sound disheartening, but there are people who God "set apart" for His grand purposes. When we stop fighting against our destiny, we will find the inner peace and strength to live a full and happy life in Christ Jesus. The world lies to women, and would have us to think that we are nothing without a man; that is a blatant lie of the devil. Grow in Christ, and you will see that life can be enjoyed as a single person. The only relationship that should concern you is your relationship with Christ. If you die without Christ as your Savior, nothing else matters.






Proverbs 1:7


“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

(When we do not heed wisdom and instruction that is our first mistake). Psalm 25:12


Proverbs 1:10


My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent.

(My daughters – When we allow our standards to fall below what God expects of us, we begin to allow the enticements of the world dictate and direct how we should live. Countless women are in jail, or strung out on drugs and prostitution because of their associations with the wrong men). Proverbs 4:14; Psalm 1:1; Proverbs 15:27


Psalm 10:8


“He sits in the lurking places of the villages; In the hiding places he kills the innocent; His eyes stealthily watch for the unfortunate.”

(Many people are too trusting, and fall victim to those who prey on the weak. When you don’t feel good about yourself, those who “watch for the unfortunate” will run their game on you, and cause you much misery and grief. Fortify yourselves inwardly against the wiles of the devil).


Proverbs 1:20


“Wisdom shouts in the street, She lifts her voice in the square; At the head of the noisy streets she cries out; At the entrance of the gates in the city she utters her sayings: "How long, O naive ones, will you love being simple-minded? And scoffers delight themselves in scoffing And fools hate knowledge?”


(Many times we know the right thing to do, but we don’t do it. God gave women intuition, but we fail to heed our inner warning signals and proceed, throwing caution to the wind. It could be loneliness, desperation, peer pressure that causes us to turn a blind eye to the “red flags” and the obvious handwriting on the wall. Whatever the case, somewhere deep inside, when things go wrong in a relationship, we must admit our part. In order to not repeat the unwise actions, we must be strong enough to see our own weakness and make changes). Isaiah 65:2; 66:4; Proverbs 15:10; Proverbs 10:25


Proverbs 3:5


“Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.”


(Some women are into the false notion of “Name it and claim it.” This is not real faith in believing God for His provisions. When you tell a man, “God said you will be my husband,” most likely he will think you are crazy, and he will run from you. Scripture doesn’t say, “She who finds a wife,” it says, “He who finds a wife.” You are acting presumptuously, and falsely claiming to hear the voice of God in the matter). Proverbs 3:6; Proverbs 3:7; Proverbs 8:32; Proverbs 4:7


Proverbs 3:21


“Do not envy a man of violence And do not choose any of his ways.”

(A man who executes violence towards others will eventually do the same towards you. Bad boys may seem macho and strong and desirable, but they are dangerous. Some wear violence as a badge of honor, when they too shall reap what they sow). Proverbs 11:20; Proverbs 1:15; Proverbs 4:14-19



Matthew 6:33


"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

(With God, you don’t have to worry about what you will wear, eat, or even where you will live. Too many women seek men who are financially well off to provide for their needs. In many ways, this is a trap, especially in domestic violence situations. When the man controls the money, he also controls you. God has promised to supply all of our needs, and we have to trust Him and look only unto Him for our daily bread). Psalm 112; 1 Kings 3:13


Proverbs 8:23


"From everlasting I was established, From the beginning, from the earliest times of the earth.

(Men come and go. God is everlasting). John 1:1; Psalm 90:2


Psalm 92:6


“A senseless man has no knowledge, Nor does a stupid man understand this:”

(You know who they are, the stupid men who as the saying goes, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Apart from the wisdom of God, they have no direction and constantly do things that are contrary to sound judgment). 1 Samuel 25:25


Proverbs 22:24


“Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways And find a snare for yourself.”


(Stay with a man given to anger long enough, and you will become just like him. Soon you will find yourself cursing him back, and becoming violent in the name of protecting yourself. All the while, if you have children, they are learning violence and anger from their parents. No wonder history repeats itself; the children grow up thinking this negative behavior is normal. Many women are in jail, separated from their children because instead of finding a way out, they chose to learn the ways of Cain. In the eyes of the law, both parties that participate in the violence are equally wrong).


Proverbs 23:6-7


“Do not eat the bread of a selfish man, Or desire his delicacies; For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, "Eat and drink!" But his heart is not with you.”


(Selfishness is one of the reasons why our homes are in turmoil. If the relationship is all about him in the beginning, don’t expect it to change once you get married. You will wear yourself out trying to reason with self-centeredness. Your pleas will fall on deaf ears).







*A scoffer – does not listen to rebuke … Proverbs 13:1

*Fools – self-explanatory … Proverbs 13:16

*The treacherous – can’t be trusted, their desire is violence … Proverbs 13: 2

*Prideful men – headed for destruction … Proverbs 16:18

*A lover of transgressions – he loves strife … Proverbs 17:19

*A drinker – “wine is a mocker, strong drink is a brawler … Proverbs 20:1

*Evil men – don’t desire to be with them” – “their minds devise violence, and their lips talk of trouble.


It is my hope that these warnings and biblical “red flags” will be taken to heart. God is not against us having fun, a good life, love, and all that He planned for us. The Word is our guide for this brief journey called “life.” We can save ourselves much grief and pain if we just allow the wisdom of God to reside within our hearts. We spend too much time trying to fix broken people when we should be allowing God to fix what is broken within ourselves.


Broken people are not projects. If you need a project, take up a hobby, go back to school, visit a nursing home, and most of all, learn to love yourself some too.


Also, all the above can be applied to women that should be avoided as well. Men who are contemplating marriage could certainly use the same advice.




































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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009

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Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®,© Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation - Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
Also using scripture from the KJV where noted.

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