Even though I have provided several
links to recognizing “red flags” in relationships, God’s Word will always have the final authority –
at least it should for Christians. The bible gives many warnings of the kind of people that we should avoid. Our Creator made
us, so He above all should know what is best for us, and what will cause us great sorrow. Many people view the bible as restricting,
and unfair rules that take all of the joy and fun out of living. The opposite is true, for I am a witness. The peace that
Christ gives cannot be found in this world, and never within another human being.
Before I list the “red
flags” found in scripture, let me first say this. We are living in a dying world, a world that will pass away someday.
No one knows when God will send Jesus back for His church, and end life, as we currently know it. If you have been studying
prophecy, all you have to do is look around you and you will see the end times being fulfilled. There are wars, rumors of
war, famine, earthquakes, poverty, suffering, hatred, and many other signs that point to the second coming of Christ. In knowing
all of this, what could be more important than saving your soul, and saving the souls of others who are in spiritual darkness?
Yes, being loved, and giving
love is vital to the human soul. The greatest relationship on earth is marriage between man and woman. This institution is
spiritually equated with Christ and His church, His bride – of which we are. God gave us intimacy to be enjoyed within
His commands, not for restricting pleasure, but for purity, holiness, and spiritual reasons. Being held and comforted when
sad, lonely, or just because is wonderful. We were divinely designed to give and receive love, for God Himself is love.
When we are without mates, we
can and often feel that everyone in the world has someone but us. More so, we take it personal and assume that God doesn’t
love us, for He hasn’t sent us a mate, a life partner, a help-meet, an intimate marital friend to love, and cherish
until death ends the bond. Too often we make the mistake of comparing ourselves to worldly images of the kind of women men
are seeking – the skinny ones. And we are down on ourselves because we may not fit the profile of being a “hot
babe,” or a woman that turn heads. The media will promote the flashy “hot” airbrushed models that many try
to imitate, instead of just being the beautiful person that God made you to be.
So what happens when we feel
like the “clock is ticking,” and time is running out? When you look at your friends who presumably have good relationships,
do you envy them and feel like God has forgotten about you? Do you ever stop to think that marriage is very hard work, and
what you see on the surface may not be what is really happening behind closed doors?
Many people put on a front for the outside world, while living in misery and hell everyday. They may not have what you
desire by observation, and it could be that they are very good at pretending. You have no idea what compromises have been
made, or the sacrifices endured just to have someone to come home to.
Know this for a fact, when Christ
returns to end our present system, not everyone will have a mate, or be married; have children; finish college; have a dream
job; be rich; or worst yet, not everyone will have accepted Christ in order to save their eternal souls. When we view life
as the world dictates it should be, we would most assuredly experience disappointment. Jesus never promised us a rosy life
without pain, but much of the pain that we endure we bring upon ourselves. When we run ahead of God and act presumptuously,
we are bound to make a mess of our lives and find not joy, but misery. We have a choice to heed God’s Word when
it comes to our interactions with others, or keep doing what we are doing – being right in our own eyes.
It was never meant for women
to “find” a mate. Proverbs 18:22 says,
“He who finds a wife finds
a good thing. And obtains favor from the LORD.” What we should do in the meantime is wait
on the Lord. And while waiting, praying that God will send us a mate who “obtains favor from the LORD.” A man
like King David, not perfect, but a “man after God’s own heart.” And our part is to establish an everlasting
relationship with the Lord first, and become the spiritually adorned women that we were meant to be. Proverbs 31 is a great place to start in preparing ourselves to be the kind of wives that the true man of God will find us to be when
the Lord sends him.
Now does this mean that every
woman will have a mate in this life? Not necessarily so. This may sound disheartening, but there are people who God "set
apart" for His grand purposes. When we stop fighting against our destiny, we will find the inner peace and strength to live
a full and happy life in Christ Jesus. The world lies to women, and would have us to think that we are nothing without
a man; that is a blatant lie of the devil. Grow in Christ, and you will see that life can be enjoyed as a single person. The
only relationship that should concern you is your relationship with Christ. If you die without Christ as your Savior, nothing
FLAGS FROM GOD'S WORD
“The fear of the LORD is
the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
(When we do not heed wisdom and
instruction that is our first mistake). Psalm 25:12
My son, if sinners entice you,
do not consent.
(My daughters – When we
allow our standards to fall below what God expects of us, we begin to allow the enticements of the world dictate and direct
how we should live. Countless women are in jail, or strung out on drugs and prostitution because of their associations with
the wrong men). Proverbs 4:14; Psalm 1:1; Proverbs 15:27
“He sits in the lurking
places of the villages; In the hiding places he kills the innocent; His eyes stealthily watch for the unfortunate.”
(Many people are too trusting,
and fall victim to those who prey on the weak. When you don’t feel good about yourself, those who “watch for the
unfortunate” will run their game on you, and cause you much misery and grief. Fortify yourselves inwardly against the
wiles of the devil).
“Wisdom shouts in the street,
She lifts her voice in the square; At the head of the noisy streets she cries out; At the entrance of the gates in the city
she utters her sayings: "How long, O naive ones, will you love being simple-minded? And scoffers delight themselves in scoffing
And fools hate knowledge?”
(Many times we know the right
thing to do, but we don’t do it. God gave women intuition, but we fail to heed our inner warning signals and proceed,
throwing caution to the wind. It could be loneliness, desperation, peer pressure that causes us to turn a blind eye to the
“red flags” and the obvious handwriting on the wall. Whatever the case, somewhere deep inside, when things go
wrong in a relationship, we must admit our part. In order to not repeat the unwise actions, we must be strong enough to see
our own weakness and make changes). Isaiah 65:2; 66:4; Proverbs 15:10; Proverbs 10:25
“Trust in the LORD with
all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.”
(Some women are into the false
notion of “Name it and claim it.” This is not real faith in believing God for His provisions. When you tell a
man, “God said you will be my husband,” most likely he will think you are crazy, and he will run from you. Scripture
doesn’t say, “She who finds a wife,” it says, “He who finds a wife.” You are acting presumptuously,
and falsely claiming to hear the voice of God in the matter). Proverbs 3:6; Proverbs 3:7; Proverbs 8:32; Proverbs 4:7
“Do not envy a man of violence
And do not choose any of his ways.”
(A man who executes violence
towards others will eventually do the same towards you. Bad boys may seem macho and strong and desirable, but they are dangerous.
Some wear violence as a badge of honor, when they too shall reap what they sow). Proverbs 11:20; Proverbs 1:15; Proverbs 4:14-19
"But seek first His kingdom and
His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
(With God, you don’t have
to worry about what you will wear, eat, or even where you will live. Too many women seek men who are financially well off
to provide for their needs. In many ways, this is a trap, especially in domestic violence situations. When the man controls
the money, he also controls you. God has promised to supply all of our needs, and we have to trust Him and look only unto
Him for our daily bread). Psalm 112; 1 Kings 3:13
"From everlasting I was established,
From the beginning, from the earliest times of the earth.
(Men come and go. God is everlasting).
John 1:1; Psalm 90:2
“A senseless man has no
knowledge, Nor does a stupid man understand this:”
(You know who they are, the stupid
men who as the saying goes, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Apart from the wisdom of God, they have no direction and
constantly do things that are contrary to sound judgment). 1 Samuel 25:25
“Do not associate with
a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways And find a snare for yourself.”
(Stay with a man given to anger
long enough, and you will become just like him. Soon you will find yourself cursing him back, and becoming violent in the
name of protecting yourself. All the while, if you have children, they are learning violence and anger from their parents.
No wonder history repeats itself; the children grow up thinking this negative behavior is normal. Many women are in jail,
separated from their children because instead of finding a way out, they chose to learn the ways of Cain. In the eyes of the
law, both parties that participate in the violence are equally wrong).
“Do not eat the bread of
a selfish man, Or desire his delicacies; For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, "Eat and drink!" But his
heart is not with you.”
(Selfishness is one of the reasons
why our homes are in turmoil. If the relationship is all about him in the beginning, don’t expect it to change once
you get married. You will wear yourself out trying to reason with self-centeredness. Your pleas will fall on deaf ears).
*A scoffer –
does not listen to rebuke … Proverbs 13:1
self-explanatory … Proverbs 13:16
– can’t be trusted, their desire is violence … Proverbs 13: 2
– headed for destruction … Proverbs 16:18
*A lover of transgressions
– he loves strife … Proverbs 17:19
*A drinker –
“wine is a mocker, strong drink is a brawler … Proverbs 20:1
*Evil men –
don’t desire to be with them” – “their minds devise violence, and their lips talk of trouble.
It is my hope that these warnings
and biblical “red flags” will be taken to heart. God is not against us having fun, a good life, love, and all
that He planned for us. The Word is our guide for this brief journey called “life.” We can save ourselves much
grief and pain if we just allow the wisdom of God to reside within our hearts. We spend too much time trying to fix broken
people when we should be allowing God to fix what is broken within ourselves.
Broken people are not projects.
If you need a project, take up a hobby, go back to school, visit a nursing home, and most of all, learn to love yourself some
Also, all the above can be applied to women that should
be avoided as well. Men who are contemplating marriage could certainly use the same advice.