Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence

Myths That Can Destroy A Marriage
Home
ABOUT ME
VISITOR COMMENTS
THE STING OF VERBAL ABUSE
SSOFDV -BLOG REPLIES
Email subscriptons
SITE MAP - Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence. Org
CONTACT ME
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FORUM
GUEST BOOK
DV Personal Stories
The Things We Don't Want To Talk About
You Are Not Alone!
Judges Chapter 19
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ABOUT?
Harpo and Sophia -- (The Color Purple)
The Signs of Abuse
Resources For Those Who Abuse
Domestic Violence/Abuse Courses
An Open Letter to Pastors
There Is Nothing New Under The Sun
Preach the Word!
The Wrong Advice
Thus Saith the Lord
She Was Married To Christ First
Biblical Submission
Domestic Violence And Alcohol
Happily Ever After
Teen Dating and Violence
State-By-State-Resources
My Favorite Hymns and Prayers
Links - When It Is Time To Leave
Resources For Church Leaders
Visit My Store
Man Is Defiled From Within
Profile of the Sociopath
Can Abusers Change?
Should I Forgive My Abuser?
You Are So Sensitive
Myths That Can Destroy A Marriage
Domestic Violence/The Workplace
Male Victims of Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence and Abusive Women
Domestic Violence and Advertising

The goal of this web site is to become a one-stop resource, for victims of domestic violence and abuse. When in a crisis, time is of the essence to find valuable information quickly. Please join us in this effort to minimize the research for those who need answers now. Donating via Paypal is fast, secure, and free. Thank you very much!

................................

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples,

if you love one another."

John 13:35


Myths That Can Destroy A Marriage

 

By John A Huffman, Jr.

 

1 Timothy 4:7

 

"Have nothing to do with profane myths and old wives' tales. Train yourself in godliness."

 

It started out one kind of an evening, and it ended up another.

 

Anne and I were out for dinner. It was a pleasant time with a couple who periodically attended St. Andrew's and another couple who were hosting the four of us in their home.

 

The hors d'oeuvres were tasty and the conversation sprightly. We sat down at the dining room table, so artistically set, and continued our wide-ranged conversation over a delicious meal.

 

Then, suddenly, it happened! As we nibbled away at our cheesecake and sipped our coffee, the host looked up, with his eyes riveted first on mine and then on Anne's and then back at mine. With emphatic yet puzzled inflection, he articulated the big question: "Why are so many marriages of people who seem so together so successful are breaking up?" We are so shocked when friends of years, with whom we have been together so frequently socially, who seem so happy together, suddenly announce, 'It's over!'"

 

…………………………………………………

 

I stumbled around for some answers. After all, that's my business, isn't it?

 

Anne also tried to answer. After all, she's been to seminary and is a practicing marriage and family counselor, as well as psychoanalyst.

 

We both gave our answers. Frankly, some of them were very good. But ever since that evening in which the conversation suddenly shifted gears, making it one of those never-to-be-forgotten occasions when the six of us got right down to basics, I have been searching my brain, searching life, asking questions of others, and asking questions of God. Through prayer and through the searching of Scriptures, I have endeavored to figure out just why so many marriages of people who seem so together and so successful are breaking up.

 

I believe that I have come across some answers and also some solutions. These are not final answers; nor are they final solutions. Relationships do not lend themselves easily to once-and-for-all, true statements that guarantee happiness and wholeness. At least I am able to share some insights to challenge you and me to further reflection.

 

I am convinced that many marriages break up because they are built on mythical foundations.

 

…………………………………………………

 

What do I mean? There are myths, generally accepted statements or propositional foundations for life that are accepted by some of us that can gradually work away on our inner psyche, ultimately causing us marital disruption.

 

The Bible is God's Word to you and me. It doesn't tell us everything about God. It doesn't tell us everything about ourselves. It doesn't tell us everything about each other. But the Bible does tell us everything we need to know about how to get along with God, with ourselves and with each other. The Bible is a textbook of reality therapy. It is not a compilation of naive idealisms that spiritualize life, painting fantasies that do not square with reality.

 

The Bible is an earthy book. It has a lot to say about domestic ugliness, marital violence, alcoholism, drug addiction, adultery, dishonesty, ambition, exploitation, manipulation, arrogance and pride. These are only a few of the themes spoken to with great specificity and elaborate illustration.

 

…………………………………………………

 

Not only is ideal marriage described, so is divorce. It notes allowances made for divorce under certain extreme circumstances. However, Jesus reinforces God's intention for marriage to be a vehicle that enhances the welfare and happiness of humankind. He notes the painful disruption that comes emotionally, physically and spiritually when that intentionality gets ripped apart by either a marriage lived out in a contentious disharmony or one that ends in divorce.

 

My basic thesis for today does not come from a biblical text dealing specifically with marriage. It is actually a word of advice from the Apostle Paul to his young friend, Timothy, who was pastoring the church Paul founded in Ephesus. We looked in detail, a few months ago, at those two letters. Paul noted in his travels through the Jewish, Greek and Roman world that all people have a weird vulnerability to untruth. We humans are easily deceived by quack remedies and vogue ideologies that come and go at a fairly rapid pace. He urges Timothy to concentrate on the truth that has been revealed to him through the Holy Spirit. He writes:

 

 If you put these instructions before the brothers and sisters, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound teaching that you have followed. Have nothing to do with profane myths and old wives' tales. Train yourself in godliness, for, while physical training is of some value, godliness is valuable in every way, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. (1 Timothy 4:6-8)

 

…………………………………………………

 

Ever since that dinner conversation, as I have been reflecting on this whole matter of marital disharmony and divorce, these words have kept throbbing in my heart and mind: "Have nothing to do with profane myths and old wives' tales. Train yourself in godliness.”

 

The whole attitude of the Apostle Paul, as he shares his concerns with Timothy, is one of nurturing, one of caring, one of counsel, one of advice. It was a gentle, humble word. He wants Timothy to process his instructions in a way that will help him deal healthfully with the believers at Ephesus. He wants him to exhort those for whom he bears pastoral responsibility in a gentle, humble, counseling mode. It is not to be an authoritarian expression that puts people down.

 

How presumptuous it would be of me to stand in the pulpit and pretend personal exemption from the stresses and strains of my own marriage. I dare not bully you into truth. Instead, I must admit that I am a person just as much in process as are you. I must be fed from the Scriptures under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, so as to be able to share with you the discoveries that I am making. What I say to you today, within days of my 65th birthday, hopefully has a depth to it that it would not have had forty years ago, or even twenty years ago. What I do have is a responsibility that is clear and urge you to apply that truth to what may not be as clear.

 

…………………………………………………

 

Paul urges Timothy to avoid "profane myths and old wives' tales." The NIV translates this as "godless and silly myths." He is warning them to remain at the center of the faith. How easy it is to be indoctrinated by a society that does not take seriously the truths of God's Word and wake up discovering that something about us is being destroyed by these godless and silly myths. Instead, we are called to train ourselves in godliness.

 

I would like to identify several profane myths and old wives' tales that can literally destroy marital harmony and actually break up your marriage.

…………………………………………………

 

Myth #1 is the Perfect-Person myth

 

 
NOTE:

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

 

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009

All rights reserved.

.......................................................
 
Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®,© Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation - Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
 
Also using scripture from the KJV where noted.
.......................................................

IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED!
 
Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
 
To learn more about the Hotline, please click on the following link:
 
.......................................................
SAFETY ALERT: Computer use can be monitored and it is impossible to completely clear all website footprints.
If you are in danger, please use a safer computer that your abuser can not access
directly or remotely.
 
Learn more about internet safety:

NOTE: THIS WEBSITE DOES NOT ENDORSE ANY PARTICULAR CHURCH OR BELIEF, EXCEPT CHRISTIAN BELIEFS. However, the Wisdom of God can be found wherever God leads us to discover and experience it. Jesus Christ and Him crucified is the foundation of this ministry.

 

DISCLAIMER

 

Any information on this site is for informational purposes only. Visitors of this site shall assume all responsibility as to how the shared information will be used on a personal basis. This organization does not provide counseling services of any kind.

Page copy protected against web site content infringement
                                       by Copyscape