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When a woman is being abused, the last thing she wants to hear is, “The
bible says.” And yet, while many abusers are beating the daylights out of their wives, they have the audacity to quote
scriptures. Abusers often quote Ephesians 5:22, and many other scriptures out of context:
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the
Lord.”
Their misinterpretation of this scripture sounds more like, “Me Tarzan, you-Jane!” Therefore, “You have
to submit to me, and do whatever I say!” After all, “God said it!”
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Although you are reading the same bible as your abuser, his view is erroneously
skewed to suit his insatiable need for dominance, power and control. The subject of “submission” within itself
isn’t a problem, it is the way it is interpreted that causes violence and strife in Christian homes today. Men
who are power hungry, control oriented, and not truly converted within their hearts to the things of God will misuse the bible
to make the lives of their families miserable.
Those who interpret the bible in ignorance-seeking vain glory, will not receive
the love and respect of their wives and children. Instead of their desired results, their attempts at forced love will be
met with resistance, and often times-faked affection.
There is a major difference between submissive love and coerced love. Submissive
love is from the heart, and freely given. Coerced love is the result of threats, violence, abuse, and ungodliness. In the
end, everyone loses.
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Love and affection that isn’t given freely
is superficial. It isn’t possible to make someone love you, or want to do nice things for you. Love and affection as
well as good will are from the heart. Over time, an abused woman will show affection out of fear-not from the depths of her
soul. She may submit to the wishes and demands of her abuser, but her affections won’t be real, nor from the
heart. In time, her love for her abuser will grow cold.
In order to “rightly divide” the Word of God, the scriptures
before and after a verse should be taken into consideration. This is reading scripture within context. The
bible is not a smorgasbord of selected reading. Either you embrace, accept and believe ALL of the bible, or you may as well
reject it period. We may not understand everything that is written, but is not written for the purposes of selective
reading, hearing, or doing. Let’s begin at the beginning of Ephesians chapter 5.
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Paul is teaching the believers in Christ how to be “imitators of God.”
How? “As beloved children.” Christians are to “walk in love,” and love others as Christ loves us:
“…walk in love, just as Christ also loved you
and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”
Paul goes on to warn us about “immorality,” “impurity,”
“greed,” and the things that “must not be named among you (us), as is proper among saints…”
He speaks further concerning “filthiness,” “silly talk,” “coarse jesting,” and says these
things are “not fitting, but rather, giving of thanks.” In verse 5, he names those who will forfeit their inheritance
in the kingdom of Christ-the “immoral,” “impure,“ “covetous” and the “idolater.”
In verse 6, Paul says that we should let “no one deceive you with empty words.” Abusers are very skilled in this
area. But, “the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.”
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Verse 7- gives us very sound advice, “Therefore do not be partakers with them.”
Verse 8- Paul makes sure that those of us who were washed in the blood of Christ don’t forget where we came from,
“…for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord, walk as children of Light.” And what
does this Light consist of?
Verse 9- “…for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth.”
Verse 10- tells us what we should be doing with our precious and limited time here on earth:
“…trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.”
Verse 11- We are admonished to not get caught up the “deeds of darkness,” and two such examples are witchcraft
and astrology. Instead of being participants, we are to “expose them.” Paul says it is a “disgrace”
to even mention things that are done in “secret.”
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I believe verse 13 can be applicable to domestic violence and abuse. These atrocities are done behind closed doors, and
formed within the darkness of the hearts and minds of the perpetrators. In most cases, abusers are unwilling, to come
to the Light. The verse reads:
“But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.”
Abusers fear being exposed by those who are within their inner circles, and the authorities. In both cases, there would
be consequences, so the perpetrators practice deception and lies to avoid anyone seeing who they really are. Many of them
know they are messed up, but have too much pride to change. They don't want to be exposed for the frauds that they are.
But here’s the thing, if they humbled themselves under the Mighty hand of God, repented, and turned to the Light,
they could be healed. Verse 14:
“Awake, sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
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The Greek word for “asleep” is, KATHEUDO. In this verse, it refers to an “indifference” or “insensibility
to the Divine things of God.” The Greek word for “dead” is NEKROS, refers to “the actual spiritual
condition of unsaved.” Those who are considered “unsaved” are considered “dead” and indifferent
or insensible, however, this deadness and sleep also refers to those who fool themselves into thinking that they are in a
right relationship with God. Matthew 13:14 says of them:
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“’YOU WILL KEEP ON HEARING, BUT WILL NOT UNDERSTAND;
YOU WILL KEEP ON SEEING, BUT WILL NOT PERCEIVE;
FOR
THE HEART OF THIS PEOPLE HAS BECOME DULL,
WITH THEIR EARS THEY SCARCELY HEAR,
AND THEY HAVE CLOSED THEIR EYES,
OTHERWISE
THEY WOULD SEE WITH THEIR EYES,
HEAR WITH THEIR EARS,
AND UNDERSTAND WITH THEIR HEART AND RETURN,
AND I WOULD HEAL
THEM.’”
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Verses 15-20: The Apostle is giving further instructions to be “wise” and “be careful how you walk.”
To understand that the “days are evil,” and we should “make the most of our time” here on earth. Most
of all, we should not be “foolish,” and “understand what the will of the Lord is.” We are to be not
“drunk with wine, but “filled with the spirit.” And:
“speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the
Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;
“and be SUBJECT TO ONE ANOTHER in the fear of Christ.” Verses 1-21 precede verse 22, do they not?
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“Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
King James Version - “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
Verse 21 is referencing believers as a whole. The whole body of Christ is “subject to one another” in the fear
of Christ. Everything that you read from verse one of Ephesians 5 down to verse 21 speaks to all Christians in general.
If single Christians everywhere learned to be “imitators of God,” “walk in love,” “love others
as Christ loves us,” “give ourselves up” for our loved ones and fellow believers, we would have not problem
with submission.
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Then we would all become an “offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” There would
be no room for the stink of male domination, for Christian husbands would offer themselves in love, and sacrifice to their
wives and family. And in the nostrils of God, their godly behavior would be as a “fragrant aroma.”
On that note, what woman would not be willing to submit to a “fragrant aroma?” Sure she is attracted to the
scent of male domination at first, but it would be that “fragrant aroma” of a disciplined, loving, sacrificial
Christian husband that would cause her heart to melt with godly submission. 2 Corinthians 2:14-15 says:
“But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the
knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who
are perishing;”
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