Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence

Resources For Those Who Abuse
Email subscriptons
SITE MAP - Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence. Org
DV Personal Stories
The Things We Don't Want To Talk About
You Are Not Alone!
Judges Chapter 19
Harpo and Sophia -- (The Color Purple)
The Signs of Abuse
Resources For Those Who Abuse
Domestic Violence/Abuse Courses
An Open Letter to Pastors
There Is Nothing New Under The Sun
Preach the Word!
The Wrong Advice
Thus Saith the Lord
She Was Married To Christ First
Biblical Submission
Domestic Violence And Alcohol
Happily Ever After
Teen Dating and Violence
My Favorite Hymns and Prayers
Links - When It Is Time To Leave
Resources For Church Leaders
Visit My Store
Man Is Defiled From Within
Profile of the Sociopath
Can Abusers Change?
Should I Forgive My Abuser?
You Are So Sensitive
Myths That Can Destroy A Marriage
Domestic Violence/The Workplace
Male Victims of Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence and Abusive Women
Domestic Violence and Advertising

The goal of this web site, is to become a one-stop resource for victims of domestic violence and abuse. When in a crisis, time is of the essence to find valuable information quickly. Please join us in this effort to minimize the research for those who need answers now. Donating via Paypal is fast, secure, and free. Thank you very much!

"Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, 'I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.'"
John 8:12

"We don't pretend to have the answers," says No Safe Place producer/director Colleen Casto. "The answer lies within each of us. It's a matter of what we will or will not tolerate as individuals, as communities, and as a nation to allow our daughters, our sisters, our mothers, and all the women in our lives to walk alone without fear."


Would you like to participate in an anger survey? Click on the following link, and be as honest as you can with your answers. This survey is confidential and private, no need to give personal information such as your name.

NOTE: Men are not the only ones who abuse and commit violence towards others. However, it is well documented that more men abuse women statistically. I will also post information for women who are abusive, and where they can find help.




I recently read a post where a woman was questioning the lack of help for abusive men-mainly, her man. In her post, she expressed her concerns about men who recognize that they have a problem, and want to change-but there’s is help for them to make a change. She noted that in “rare” instances, there are men who desire to end the violence-perhaps to become better husbands, fathers, citizens, and feel better about who they are. The main question in her post is:



”No wonder they don't. We women would LOVE our (abusing) men to get past their "issues" that harm us both. Our men have great things to offer! That's why we're with them, and many times, why we stay with them.”

”Women returning to them confounds police and the courts. But they're not violent all the time. And these men ARE often good men who simply don't know how to change, or don't know why they do this. So women are forced to vilify these men, leave them and the men are left to repeat their behaviors.”


“This is bizarre. Women can find help (though the police and courts can be complete Neanderthals at recognizing and dealing with it), solace and support, but what about men???”

”My man and I were stymied by this, and are so entangled in the legal system, while loving/abusing/whatever each other and are completely confounded. Though we can't legally speak to each other, due to the protective order I had to take out.”



What I have gathered from this post is, the abused and the abuser alike may desire change so that they can have a relationship without his abusive mistreatment of her. Like many abused women, she chooses to see the “great things to offer” concerning her man. But the “protective order” strongly indicates that her man hasn’t found a way to be rid of the negative behaviors, in order that they may live a life of peace and harmony. She indicated that her man was “not violent all the time,” which suggests that he does have some level of self-control.


Also, please note that the couple is “loving/abusing/whatever each other.” This statement may also suggest that both the abused and the abuser may have issues with temperament, and a lack of self-control. This could be a “tit-for-tat” situation-he said and she reacted-or vise versa. Without knowledge of the whole issue concerning this union, it is difficult to pin point the exact cause of the marital discord. But one thing is for sure, whether two people are Christians or not, it is very difficult to blend two different personalities as “one” without putting in a lot of time to do a lot of hard work-emotionally, physically, spiritually, verbally and so on.


She made some very valid points in her post, and I agree that there are abusive men who desire to change- but do not know how. I have known a few personally who made the change, and they are now Christian husbands. Not perfect husbands, but they no longer abuse their wives, and they treat them with respect. The main source of their change is humbling themselves to allow the Word of God to convict them of their sins, and receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Apart from that, I am convinced that there will be no significant change in the heart of the abusers.


There are many great programs forming on the horizon such as “Men Stopping Violence.” I don’t have any personal connections with any of these men, however, I am willing to bet that Something, and Someone bigger than themselves convicted their hearts of their wrong-doing. Abusive personalities don’t wake up one day and say, “Oh well, I guess it is time for me to change.”



Something deep within has to happen to cause them to see themselves as they really are. And in doing so, they are convinced that they do not like what they see. This change may take place the last time he puts his wife in the hospital, or after he kills her. He may also realize, “I am becoming my dad” who beat his mother unmercifully time after time. But a heart transformation is where the “new man” begins to walk in the light-and God is that Light. Jesus is the Light of the world (John 8:12), and all who desire to come to the Light must leave darkness behind.




If I could possibly interview the men who abused and beat my mother, I would. The first question I would ask is “Why?” Why did you beat my mother, and what could she have possibly done to make you so angry?


I would like to know what a man thinks about when he is punching a woman who can’t fight back. What does it feel like to see the terror in her eyes? Here is this helpless woman whom you outweigh, and you are punching her, randomly bruising her precious body. Is the violence about rage? Dominance? Control? Craziness? Hate? Are you envisioning someone else that you hate while punching her? Do you see your dad whom you hate in your mind? Or do you see your mom? The bully at school who taunted you? The older brother who used to use your body for a punching bag? WHAT?



What does it feel like to feel your fists pounding on her flesh? Is this your way of releasing your anger and frustrations in life? How do you feel when the battering is over, for the moment, when you look at the damage you have done? When you bit her, where did the rage come from? What were you envisioning when she was screaming for help, trying to block your vicious blows? When you close your eyes and replay the scenes of violence, do you feel satisfied with yourself? Are you proud of yourself? Does it make you feel like a man?


Did television, society, your friends, your upbringing play a part in the violence? Do you consider it “macho” to beat on a woman? Do you brag to your friends? Do you consider it cowardly to apologize, and really mean it to the point of stopping the violence? Do you see your own failures in life? Did you have a Cinderella in mind, and you were somehow disappointed? Do you hate yourself? Are you selfish? Egotistical? Evil?


Hopefully, an abusive man who desires to change will find this post. And if God should lead him here, it is my hope that he will take note of the above questions and answer them honestly. Most of all, I hope that he will keep reading as it is my quest to research lay means of assistance for those who secretly and acknowledge hope for change.




State-by-state-resource list:

"For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart."
 Hebrews 4:12

Even though I will provide links to other resources, I will always maintain that the bible is the blueprint of change for humanity. God created humans, and the bible tells us how we should treat one another. The problem isn't with God, it is with man. When man rebels against how we should treat one another, there is nothing to expect but chaos and destruction.
"Let God be true, but every man a liar" (Romans 3:4)


No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.


© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009

All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®,© Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation - Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
Also using scripture from the KJV where noted.

Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
To learn more about the Hotline, please click on the following link:
SAFETY ALERT: Computer use can be monitored and it is impossible to completely clear all website footprints.
If you are in danger, please use a safer computer that your abuser can not access
directly or remotely.
Learn more about internet safety:

NOTE: THIS WEBSITE DOES NOT ENDORSE ANY PARTICULAR CHURCH OR BELIEF, EXCEPT CHRISTIAN BELIEFS. However, the Wisdom of God can be found wherever God leads us to discover and experience it. Jesus Christ and Him crucified is the foundation of this ministry.




Any information on this site is for informational purposes only. Visitors of this site shall assume all responsibility as to how the shared information will be used on a personal basis. This organization does not provide counseling services of any kind.

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