IN THE MEANTIME

What can African-American women do to make their lives safer? First, a relationship with Jesus Christ is vital. Without the Lord on your side, and I don’t mean religiously, you are on your own. It is within the shadow of the Cross – where you will find true peace, and security – most of all – hope. If you desire a good man that will treat you like royalty, try Jesus – He died for you.

Another thing that we as African-American women can do is to be more selective. We must rid ourselves of the mindset that there aren’t enough men to go around. When we focus on the “male shortage,” we lose out on a relationship with the only True Man that ever lived – Jesus Christ. We compete with other women for men like lions fighting over food. And in most cases, we want to throw them back into the ring, and it is often too late.

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THINK WITH YOUR HEAD – NOT WITH YOUR HEART

I had to learn this lesson the hard way – we all do. It may be difficult to separate our emotions from reality, but it will save us much grief. Believe it or not, we have control of how hard we will fall for a man. However, in weakness, we let our guards completely down, and allow ourselves to be subdued and conquered – by the wrong kind of fellow. 

Pretty words are just that, pretty words. Anyone can practice and perfect a spiel, but not everyone can deliver. We fall too much for words, and compromise on action. Too often women, and I am also guilty, we allow men to tell us anything, and show us very little – or nothing at all. When you are afraid of being alone with yourself, you will think with your heart, and leave your wisdom on a shelf.

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Wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure: “For where your treasure is, there will be your heart be also,” (Matthew 6:21 – KJV). Where is your heart? What treasures in this life are you searching for? Does your heart search for the temporal, or the eternal? What is more important, the salvation of your souls, or finding a man? Which has more value? Which is everlasting? Take a look at today’s marriage stats, would you say that American marriages are everlasting? Not!

DON’T BE HIS MOMMA

Every man has a momma somewhere, dead or alive. And you are not she. Loneliness and the need for intimacy can initiate rash decisions that are filled with a lifetime of regret. Moving a man into the home that God has provided for you is a serious mistake. A “real” man would stand on his own two feet, and be willing to provide a roof over your head. When his own momma kicks him out, why do you take him in?

This is not a judgment, for in my ignorance, I made that same mistake. And think about this, when things go wrong, you will have a hard time getting him out of your home. Many women have abandoned the homes they set up; just to get rid of the man they allowed to move in. Some women have been forced to sell their homes, and all forfeited their blessings.

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Worst yet, the violent at heart move in, terrorize you and your children and dare you to put them out. Once the abuse starts, you are trapped, controlled, and miserable. Many women take a man in, clean him up, get him smelling good, clean up his credit, loan him money, and he leaves for a newer, most often younger model. When will we learn? And the part that rips my heart is, many women abandon their children for a relationship with a man. They close their hearts, and direct their compassion towards Mr. Smell Good, and view their children as an inconvenience.

A REAL MAN

If you want to know what a real man is supposed to be, look to Jesus Christ. He was God in the flesh, walked among mankind, and experienced life as a man: “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth,” (John 1:14).

Is the man in your life “full of grace and truth?” I also ask this question of the males who are “hard” to the core, are you “full of grace and truth?” Not having an earthly father around is no excuse for not knowing how to be a “real” man – we have Jesus Christ to look up to. Women have godly women of the Bible to pattern their lives after, and we all have Jesus. So we are without excuse, (Romans 1:20).

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A real man worships God.
A real man does not oppress.
A real man does not hit.
A real man does not cuss you out.
A real man cares about you.
A real man will comfort you.
A real man will admit mistakes.
A real man will not sponge off of a woman.
A real man will not lead you astray.
A real man will out do your giving.
A real man will hold his tongue.
A real man will love his family.

A real man, ok, I could go on and on. But you get the picture right? For those “hard” heads out there, get to know Jesus Christ, and you will be more man than you have ever been in your life. Humility is more powerful than your fists, your words, or your weapons.

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We as a people must learn to respect ourselves, and one another. Domestic violence and slavery are akin to oppression, violence, abuse, misuse, mistreatment and the like. Slavery and domestic violence come under the same category, SIN! African-American men who practice violence against women are no better than slave masters. They first imprison the minds of their pry, and control them with violence. What is the difference? It’s all the same.

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