A dear friend of mine, who is
now deceased, confided in me about her marriage. She and her husband would physically fight often, to the point of drawing
blood from one another. At first, she was an abused woman in her marriage, until she decided to fight back. Andrea (name changed)
was kind of a stocky woman. She was tall, and could physically fistfight a woman-and win. Even so, she was still a woman,
fragile in many ways.
Andrea’s husband was a
tall man; thin-but still possessed the strength of a man. I mention their physical characteristics because many people feel
that size and weight has a lot to do with physical strength-not necessarily. Being a man, Al (name changed) still inflicted
bodily harm on Andrea whenever he punched or slapped her. Both Andrea and Al drank alcohol quite regularly. Although alcoholism
didn’t cause the violence, it played a significant part. When they were both sober, there were nice times between them,
and other times there would be verbal wars leading up to the violence.
…………………………
Quite some time ago, Andrea’s
personal physician confidently advised Andrea to leave her husband. They had two children, and were married for many years.
Even after the children were grown and on their own, the violence and turmoil did not cease. Al was a truck driver, and of
course his job kept him on the road a lot. Andrea was alone, and she confided that she as well as Al both had affairs. Al
would bring his money home to take care of his responsibilities, but you could tell it was all he desired to do.
Andrea detailed many accounts
of her abuse, and the horrible violence that she endured. She admitted that she “stayed too long,” and should
have listened to her personal physician and left the violence. There were several occasions that Andrea would call me in the
middle of the night crying that she and Al had another fight. One night she told me that she “stabbed him in the stomach.”
I inquired about Al and his welfare, and she indicated that he was alive, and had left the house.
…………………………
The fighting stopped when Andrea
became ill with lung cancer. Al still kept his truck-driving job, and tried to be home with her more often. Andrea was very
much in love with her husband until the day she died. Al remained devoted to her until the end, but in between, they had a
very on and off again love affair.
Many women are in the same position
that Andrea was in; they stay in abuse much too long. Al has the house, and has moved on with his life. Andrea died a very
unhappy woman, and complained that Al would refuse intimacy because she was sick. This is a sad story, and numerous women
will live this way when they don’t have to. Andrea had a job and was making decent wages. But she had an investment
in her home and refused to leave. She stayed until the end, but at what cost?
…………………………
She learned the ways of violence,
and became as much of a batterer that Al was. She could not physically whip Al, so she chose weapons and verbal abuse
for her defense. Even though she had affairs to compensate for the loneliness, she was not happy about it. It is my hope that
she made peace with God before she passed on. And I share this story because the bible says that the abused will eventually
learn the ways of the violent:
“Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou
shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.” Proverbs
22:24-25
WE SHOULD
NEVER LOVE ANY PERSON MORE
THAN WE
LOVE GOD.
FOR IN THE
END, WE LOSE!
…………………………
