Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence

WHAT IS VERBAL ABUSE?
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In short, verbal abuse is the power to wound with words. The communication may include profanity, or inflamed accusations intended to cause emotional pain. Also, it is possible that verbal abuse inflicts immeasurable degrees of misery, however, the end results are always the same – a precious soul has been wounded. Unlike physical abuse, verbal abuse does not leave visible scars.

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When the police respond to domestic violence calls, they often assess the severity of the battering based upon the visible wounds of the abused. Although verbal abuse can be just as devastating to the recipient, the damage is more difficult to prove visibly and in a court of law. A busted lip, blackened eyes, and flowing blood can be photographed as evidence of the battering. But there is no way to capture the devastation of verbal tirades as proof of abuse.

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Too often we overlook verbal tirades as being abusive, for we conclude that we weren’t physically hurt – so we were not abused. Physical attacks leave bruises and visible signs of bodily malice. Verbal abuse is received through the ears – the damage is invisible – and yet – manifestations such as depression and low self-worth often result.

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Most instances of verbal abuse are oral, but they can be written as well. A person reading a verbal attack can be harmed emotionally just as well as the one who hears unkind words verbally. In either case, the harmful venom rests within the soul, and given its severity and longevity, it may manifest into physical ailments of various kinds. Clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder are examples of the damage resulting from verbal abuse.

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As in the case of physical violence and abuse, the intended results are the same – control of the victim. When requests, demands and unreasonable expectations go unmet, verbal abuse often times escalates to physical violence.

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People with unresolved hurt and anger are most likely to practice verbal abuse, and become physically violent when they cannot have their way in the lives of others. Gaining control over another human being is about someone doing what you say – when you say – and living to please you – the abuser – although you cannot reasonably be pleased.

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Some of the signs of verbal abuse include, ridiculing, criticizing, embarrassing, cursing, and manipulation. Verbal abusers will make sport of you – make jokes at your expense. They will make jokes about your cooking, or your style of dress, the way you keep house, or anything that doesn’t seem to meet their expectations.

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Many times the ridicule is public, and although meant to be a joke at your expense, you are embarrassed in front of others just the same. You may not be a “good” cook – but making you feel small in front of others or privately will not make you a “better” cook.

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Cursing you out can make you feel as small as an ant. It reduces your self-image, but not your God-image. You were created in the image of Almighty God, however, if you choose to believe the bantering of the verbal tyrant, you will forget that you are precious to God, and bought with the price of the Blood of Christ.

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Spewing profanity at you is another way of trying to make you feel small on purpose. Many abusers dislike themselves, and see in you something they lack, and they try to destroy that in you to bring you down to their level – inadequate.

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Crazy making is another form of verbal abuse that is demeaning, and dangerous. This is also a form of Gaslighting that can literally drive a person insane. Not only will you doubt our own sanity, in time you will begin to agree with the abuser that you are indeed losing your mind. They will convince you that you said things that you did not say, did things you did not do, and lost things that were not lost – they just moved them to confuse you.

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You may even hear, “You don’t like yourself, do you?” As you ponder this question, you will relive events of your life that truly made you not like yourself. Your self-worth will take another hit, and the abuser will seem like they have it all together, and you don’t.

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The Bible has much to say about our “speech,” and proves that we have total control over the things that we say. We are admonished in several scriptures to “put away,” “get rid of,” and “put off” -

“…abusive speech from your mouth” -  (New American Standard Bible)

“…filthy language from your lips” – (New International Version)

“…slander, and dirty language” – (New Living Translation)

“…obscene talk from your mouth” – (English Standard Version)

“…slander, obscene speech, and all such sins” (GOD'S WORD® Translation)

“…filthy communication out of your mouth” – (King James Bible)

“…railing” – (criticizing), shameful speaking out of your mouth” – (American Standard Version)

“…curses, unclean talk” – (Bible in Basic English)

“…blasphemy, vile language out of your mouth” – (Darby Bible Translation)

“…shameful speaking out of your mouth” – (English Revised Version)

“But now you must rid yourselves of every kind of sin--angry and passionate outbreaks, ill-will, evil speaking, foul-mouthed abuse--so that these may never soil your lips.” 1 (Colossians 3:8)

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From a Biblical perspective, we can conclude that verbal abuse is shameful speaking, filthy communication, vile language, and obscene speech, slander, dirty language, abusive and sinful. It doesn’t matter if the abused are Christian or non-Christian – the Bible makes no distinction – it is wrong, period!

 

1 http://bible.cc/colossians/3-8.htm

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SIGNS OF VERBAL ABUSE LINKS -(Informational purposes only) - PLEASE carefully weigh any advice on handling verbal abuse. One size does not fit all!

http://www.drirene.com/verbal1.htm

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

http://www.verbalabuse.com/

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MORE TO COME!

 
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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009

All rights reserved.

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Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®,© Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation - Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
 
Also using scripture from the KJV where noted.
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IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED!
 
Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
 
To learn more about the Hotline, please click on the following link:
 
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