It has been years since your ex-husband called you ugly names, and verbally wounded your soul. And yet, his
vile words continue to push the replay button in your mind long after your divorce or separation. You have moved on, physically,
and yet emotionally you still feel bound by the hateful things that were said to you.
You know the names he called you are not on your birth certificate, and they do not define the wonderful person
that you really are. But you cannot get them out of your mind. You've prayed over and over again, and yet you can still hear
his voice just as loud and vicious as you did ten years ago. Why? Words are powerful!
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The spoken word can bring forth both good and evil. Without our tongues, we would not be capable of speech. We can
use our tongues to say uplifting things to and about others, or we can damage them for life. Verbal abuse stings for a lifetime
because of its destructive power. The tongue is capable of producing soft words of comfort, or abusive and insulting speech
that injures the recipient.
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James 3:6 refers to the tongue as “a fire:”
“And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity, the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles
the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.”
Verse 8 says:
“But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.”
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The pain of verbal abuse lingers a long time because the tongue is likened to:
A deadly arrow- (Jeremiah 9:8)
A sharp sword - (Psalms 57:4)
A fire - (James 3:6)
Being boastful - (James 3:5)
Being
untamable by man - (James 3:8)
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In Psalm 140:3, King David prayed for protection from evil and violent men who “sharpen their tongues as a serpent.”
He lamented further, “Poison of a viper is under their lips.”
Wow! No wonder verbal abuse cuts to the very core of your soul. Each time that you are verbally abused, you are being assaulted
with tongues that are set on fire by hell, deadly arrows, sharp swords, restless evil, and deadly poison. Verbal abuse is
equated with the poison of serpents and vipers. Are you getting the picture now? This is the power of vicious and unkind words.
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David prayed for protection against those who “devised evil things in their hearts.” People do not commit wrong
by accident; they plan evil intentions in their hearts. The nasty things they say to you come from deep within their soul.
What they say is how they really feel about you. Even if they apologize, the words still came from their hearts (the seat
of emotions –“Kardia” – the soul or mind).1 (Matthew 15:18; 15:11; 12:34-35; 13:15)
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Verbal abusers are those who “love all words that devour,” with “deceitful tongues” - (Psalm 52:4).
You can defend the abuser by saying, “He didn't mean to say that.” But the Bible has a different point of view,
“Your tongue devises destruction, like a sharp razor, O worker of deceit” - (Psalm 52:2). The word – “devise”
means to, plan, work out, invent, think up, and conceive. Remember, abuse is intentional, deliberate and well thought out.
Verbal abuse is akin to pushing buttons that you know will get a response, or accomplish the damage that you intend.
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When a woman is overweight and her husband makes hurtful remarks concerning her weight, he is causing pain on purpose.
Perhaps he would really like his wife to lose weight and be the size she was when he met her. But due to his lack of empathy
and communication skills, he criticizes and belittles instead of lovingly discussing the issue. What the husband in this case
does not realize is this, the more he puts her down, the more likely she will seek comfort food. In turn, she will
continue to gain weight. A vicious cycle is created.
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False accusations are also a form of verbal abuse. You were twenty minutes late getting home due to an unfortunate car
accident that slowed your nightly commute to a crawl. You couldn't call home because the battery in your cell phone died,
and you forgot to bring your car charger. When you tried to explain this to your jealous and suspicious mate, your explanation
was met with false accusations.
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Your husband accused you of cheating. He said, “You got home late because you were with someone, a lover.”
He devised the evil of adultery in his heart, and accused you without justification. To make matters worse, he called you
a “slut,” and a “whore” in front of your children. You were crushed. Your husband was insecure, and
intended to insult you with the power of his tongue. False accusations assault your character and your self-worth.
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Over time, an abused person will either give in to the abuse, or save themselves and leave. The ones who stay for any length
of time lose a part of their souls they may never recover. Too often the abused mimic the behavior of their abusers as a way
of defending themselves. The tougher personalities will eventually dish out what has been hurled at them, and the meek will
cower down and accept the abuse as God’s Will – erroneously.
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Unlike physical abuse, verbal abuse is much harder to prove, and the scars last much longer than a physical beat down in
many cases. Spiritual warfare is another topic for another time. However, domestic violence and abuse are destructive seeds
that sprouted in the devil’s hell, and their tentacles are far reaching – even to the end of time.
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KARDIA
(heart, the seat of emotions)
1http://www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/greek/kjv/kardia.html
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